Relationship Tips From the Experts
Relationship tips out of lengthy studies maybe relevant to us all. Sometimes it can be easy to think about all the things we want our partner to change about them—how much easier it would make our lives, if the ones we loved could be just a little bit better. What if there was something we could do to make them be the one we want. Recent research has given us good reason to put the brakes on our angry explanations. According to a study, there’s a secret weapon that’s crucial to the health of your union: focusing on each other’s good qualities. Of course, that’s easier said than done. So much of our thinking is automatic; the default is to pair that bad behavior with a bad person. It’s normal to see more of your partner’s flaws over time — the key is not letting them infringe on your affection. “If you can organize your thoughts around his strengths, you’ll concentrate on him as a whole instead of on his imperfections,” says study author John Holmes, PhD, professor of social psychology at the University of Waterloo. He found that not only do couples who practice this stay together longer but it can relieve anxiousness and pent up frustrations from thinking about the negative things your partner does.
No one is recommending that you love those awful annoying behaviors, but honing in on the positive attributes of their personalities can make a world of difference. Here are three helpful relationship tips when assessing the behaviors of your partner.
You Can Be Wrong
Relationship Tip 1 - When you’re bugged by something small your guy has done, it may not be the direct action that’s getting under your skin — something may be eating away at you on a deeper level. By figuring out what that is, you can shift your thinking so you’re less agitated.
First, question why you’re upset. For example, say he takes hours to reply to your texts, and you assume he doesn’t care about you. “Find evidence that proves you wrong,” suggests Los Angeles therapist Shannon Fox, PhD. Maybe he asked about an important meeting you had or wrote you the sweetest card. “Pointing out the contrary helps keep the annoyance in proportion,” notes Fox.
No Negative Talk
Relationship Tip 2 - There is a certain amount of “guy-trashing” that happens when the girls get together, and it can help sow the thread of sisterhood. While chiming in with the “Oh, and then my guy did this...” chorus can be cathartic, complaining about your loved one will only put you in a negative mood the next time you see them. Since never complaining, may be unrealistic, be sure to pair those pesky negatives with the positive things your partner does. For example: “I hate when Mike gives one-word answers, but he does plan great dates, so it’s a fair trade.” This lets you connect with your pals but puts him in a balanced, realistic light in your mind. It will also pay off when it comes to your friends and family supporting your relationship.
One Pair of Rosy Glasses
Relationship Tip 3 - Whatever your partner does that makes you crazy, find the silver lining. He’s sloppy? Think about how this can benefit you. “Look at his messiness as synonymous with being laid-back and not controlling,” says Alon Gratch, PhD, author of If Men Could Talk. So they’’ probably let you make decisions like: planning the next family vacation, or choosing out the movie you go to see
It’s important to remember that the person lucky enough to be with you is actually great catch.
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