Relationship Rescue
Using Communication to Improve Your Relationship
Relationship Rescue! - All of us can benefit from decreasing the amount we argue with our spouse. Conflicts are inevitable and can be an opportunity for increased understanding and connection. From time to time our relationship may be in need of rescue. Conscious communication can lead to a stronger and richer marriage that is healing and restorative. It is the manner in which we manage our disagreements or conflicts that either creates healing or emotional re-wounding.
The following questions are designed to assist you in exploring your conflict patterns. I suggest you and you spouse answer these questions separately; then share your answers with each other.
Two key points:
1. Gaining understanding – problem resolution – is an integral part of a healthy marriage. The goal is to handle conflicts in a positive way, not to eliminate disagreements.
2. When you and your partner share your answers to the following questions, try to keep the climate one of safety, respect and curiosity as you explore the conflict patterns in your relationship. Based on the information you gather, you can each choose one area of change you want to focus on first. Change takes place over time, so be patient with each other.
The reasons I fight are (check three):
a. To get my spouse’s attention and so he/she will listen to me
b. The pressure builds up from unresolved issues
c. We cannot agree
d. I want something very much
e. I have a quick temper
f. My spouse starts it
g. To clear the air
h. Making up is so nice
i. Other
The worst thing about our fights is:
a. Never finishing them
b. Not resolving any issue
c. Name-calling
d. We both find it hard to apologize
e. Bring up past problems
f. They last too long
g. They are too frequent
h. I never feel like I win
i. Other
When a fight is about to start, I would like to (describe in detail)
What do you dislike most about yourself or the way you feel when fighting?
What do you dislike most about your spouse when you are fighting?
What are some of the good things your fighting has accomplished?
These answers are meant to be shared with your partner to gain insight into yourself and each other and develop more compassion and understanding about the undercurrents that run through your conflicts. Relationship rescue exercises can give an in-depth look at your strengths and deficits while communicating with your partner.
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